A-Z of Soft Skills: U is for Understanding

 How do you define the word "understanding?"

I understand quantum mechanics: this refers to my conceptual knowledge of a particular subject.

I understand why you cried: this refers to my ability to evaluate and judge a particular event or situation.
You and I have an understanding: this refers to an informal agreement between us.

Being understanding, however, is a very different and difficult and a wonderful life-skill to develop. It is being sympathetically aware of other people's feelings; being tolerant and forgiving, being kind and compassionate, thoughtful, sensitive, patient and perceptive.

Understanding is deeper than mere knowledge. To know is not necessarily to understand. Think of the fairy tales and nursery rhymes of your childhood; think of the tables, theorems and formulae you learnt by rote. You knew them, but did you understand them then?

Understanding brings together both our thinking and feeling selves. It requires from us an investment into "listening" instead of just "hearing." Most of the time, when we listen, we are simultaneously evaluating what is said and formulating our reply. We can't do this and understand. 

If we are to be understanding, we have to commit to opening our minds and hearts and assimilating the information given to us without evaluation. As the Buddha said, "To understand is to forgive."If we have understood, we cannot sit in judgment.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”